Kairos vs. Chronos

I recently read an article that hit me like a ton of bricks. You know, one of those articles that you think, "If this girl and I lived near each other, she and I could be BFFs." Yep, like that.

Every single word is so perfectly...me. Her article addresses those feelings you feel when sweet older women tell you, "to enjoy every minute and the time is so precious."

Does it make me a deadbeat mom if I don't? Well, according to her, I have at least one other person who feels the same way.

She goes on to write that, "There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in. 

 Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them."

Like this...

or this...

  And this? It's like kairos on steroids.

  

"Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos."

 

"Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest."

 

But my favorite quote of the article is what she hopes she's going to say to a young mama in line at Target gritting her teeth when she becomes that "older woman".

"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."

 Amen, Sister.

Balance

Control Freak, OCD, Smothering...these might all be adjectives you might use to describe me as a first-time mother. I wanted to do everything by the book, do it right (still do, it's the teacher pleaser coming out in me, again). I'm letting go of that rope. Five years ago I was holding on...I mean white-knuckled death grip holding on and throwing a tantrum like a 2-year-old if you told me to let go.

I'm learning that as with everything, there's balance. There's balance that a child needs as much discipline as love. There's balance in family time and "me" time and when I don't have it, everyone feels the wrath. There's balance in being overly protective and then letting boys do what they do best, get bruises. There's balance in feeding my kids healthy food and then letting them eat cookies or a french fry even if it means getting a look a judgment from another mother. But remember....I'm letting go, s-l-o-w-l-y. Some days, it's more of a leap. Those are my "wild" and crazy days.

 
Sometimes I wonder if I was too much for Nolan, too intense. I mean when you pick your child up from school and they have a "yellow" day and they ask, "Do you still love me?" you really worry if you're doing right by them. Talk about a punch to the gut. There's no worse nightmare that you have as a mother than hoping you don't send your kid to therapy when they grow up.

No, my dream as a mom is that they'll remember me playing with them. I mean down in the dirt, kicking a ball, can hang with the boys type of mom.

I remember being pregnant with Nolan and how much the worry consumed me about him getting here safely and then the worry would stop. I know, you can stop laughing now. Little did I know, that was only the beginning of a lifetime of worry.

Speaking of worry...

I'm really getting worried about Nolan being so shy.

He's just so timid and serious.

I just wish that he could let loose and be silly.

Hmmm, maybe someday he'll come out of his shell.

This time around

There are a couple of things that I've learned from my experience in motherhood. There are some things that I feel like we figured it out with Nolan and I want to do it the same. Then there's other things that I've realized, "Wow, if I had to do it again, I'd..." Poor Nolan, nothing like being the guinea pig when it comes to your childhood. Isn't that what we all are though, more or less?

One thing I learned to approach a different way is potty training. To put it lightly, it was H.E.L.L with Nolan. We were right in the middle of it when we brought Campbell into the world. Every book on potty training says to not do it when there's a big change in the home, but you know me, I think I can do it anyway. My doctor finally told me with boys to just plan on it not happening until he's 3, and if it happens before then, that I'm one of the lucky ones. I think I just needed to hear that and then I chilled out. Sure enough, on Nolan's 3rd birthday, it was like he was sprinkled with magical potty dust and it all clicked for him.

I've already decided that I'm not even going to push it with Campbell after all that I went through with Nolan. He's way more interested in it than Nolan ever was at this age though. He's seen Nolan use the potty and even sits down on the potty. We just smile and say good job and he's proud of himself just for sitting. The other night he "tried" going potty and I was about to go give him a bath so I didn't put a diaper on him. Can you see where this is going? You guessed it, he gave me a nice little surprise right on the floor. Now he keeps saying, "No poo poo on the floor. Poo poo on the potty."

So tonight we were out playing in the yard with a little inflatable pool for the boys. They were LOVING it. Then we saw Campbell's potty face and I knew we had to get him out of the pool quick. So not having time to put a diaper on him (plus he was soaked),  I ran him to the potty more out of convenience than anything else, and 5 seconds later, he poops in the potty! I started screaming because it surprised me so much. I think I scared him to death! Then when he realized I was happy screaming, he was just beaming and so proud of himself. He runs outside naked and tells his daddy, "Poo poo in potty!" Just goes to show you how different each child is when it comes to potty training.

I think it was all just timing on this one, and we have still have a loooong road ahead, but I was just so proud of him. I might just have to potty train him outside this whole summer... it seemed to work! Maybe this time around, I'll be one of the lucky ones my doctor talked about. Wishful thinking...

A real love story

My friend Beth sent this to me and I was laughing out loud it was so funny. Soooo true! 

Through the eyes of a child...

I had to share this picture that Nolan recently drew. He drew it in Sunday School. It's a picture. No, not of a jack-o-lantern...it would be a portrait of me. Normally, this kid's artistic talent is undeniable, but either I need some plastic surgery or he might have had an off day. I do love that he gave me some glammed up eyelashes and Angelina Jolie lips though...that part I'll keep.

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

As you know from my past posts, I had finally come to the realization that Nolan was going to be our brain, and maybe not so much our athlete. He gave me a glimmer of hope a few weeks back, but then was back to his butterfly chasing/flower picking self for the past two weeks.

Saturday morning our church just put in a brand new playground for the kids and Justin went up there to help. He came home to see Nolan's last soccer game, but I was on my own in the morning and Campbell was in a mood...a big one. So it was a challenge to get them fed breakfast and lunch, soccer gear on and out the door in time for the game in between tantrums. I didn't have time to eat lunch myself and Justin had been so busy working on the playground that he hadn't eaten either.

I had sort of given up on the soccer season last week. I mean we didn't even bring the camera or camcorder for goodness sake. We're starting t-ball this week so I had pretty much moved on. I told Justin, "I'll go grab us some lunch." Those are my famous last words that will haunt me forever. I ran to Subway and it took me a little longer than expected and call it mother's intuition, I thought to myself, "Watch him score his first goal while I'm out getting something to eat," as I was driving back to the game.

Sure enough, as I'm walking up Justin says, "Hey, Courtney has something to show you on her camera." And I knew...I was officially the worst mom. I was so upset at myself that I had done that. Then my inner 5-year-old self came out. I was pouting. I couldn't believe that I had been so stupid to miss his first REAL goal. Those other two don't count...one was for the other team and the other was when the ball was dead. This one was the Real McCoy!

Well, I guess Nolan saw me pouting and didn't want to disappoint because not even five minutes later, he ran the ball down the entire length of the field and scored. You better believe that I was acting like a fool...Subway sandwich in hand and all. There were olives and lettuce flying all over that field! He was so proud of himself!!! I felt a little bit redeemed but was still kicking myself for missing that goal. What do you know, he goes and scores ANOTHER goal! TRIPLE threat! At this point I think he's really wanting me to just eat my words. Thank goodness for other moms who AREN'T losers like me. My neighbor, Courtney, videotaped his first goal. How lucky was that? She (like all of us) thought that her son Hank was going to score the goal. So I keep telling myself that I didn't really miss his first goal, I just saw it on videotape. Go with me on it, ok? It helps me sleep better at night.

Don't blink...you might miss it!

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Mother's Day

Saturday was a full day of soccer and a young family event at church so we crashed hard early Saturday night. So my first Mother's Day gift was that the boys let me sleep in until 9:00. I had to go wake up Nolan at 9:15...he was out! It was wonderful and very much needed to catch up on sleep. I'm known to stay up way too late working on blogs and other silly things (it's the only time that I have time!). I asked Nolan to get dressed and this is what he came downstairs looking like. I had to pause as late as we were to take a picture....so priceless.

Before we left for church I wanted to get at least a couple of pictures to remember Mother's Day with my boys, so we snapped a couple in a jiffy before walking out the door. And, you even get to see my flowers while they're still living...just give it a week.

 I found out that I was the back up for Children's Church this weekend and the teacher just had a baby so understandly their family wasn't at church. Justin took care of it and made sure that someone else covered it so that I had a teach free day at church...so sweet. They handed out flowers to all the moms in church...too bad my children walked past me and were looking for some other mama. Justin had to chase them down the aisle to point out where I was. Justin sang and played guitar during the service with another church member, Dee, called "Mama's Last Amen" There were ladies tearing up all over that sanctuary. It was pretty and I was so glad that I got to be in the service to hear it.

Next, we headed to my mom's house to celebrate with her. On the way, Nolan called Gram (Justin's mom) to wish her a Happy Mother's Day. We wish so much we could all be together to celebrate.

My sister and her girls were there and my wonderful niece Madison took both boys to eat outside with her and my other nieces so that I could have a nice quiet lunch. It's the small things in life that make me happy. My mom was happy to have most of her grandkids with her. Can you believe she's missing five grandchildren from this picture?

After our wonderful lunch we exchanged gifts and cards. I'm still enjoying the beautiful flowers that the boys brought me to my picnic. I decided after smelling these flowers throughout the house, that I might just go buy myself flowers every week. I also enjoyed a fabulous pedicure that made me just melt.

 Since it was a little chilly out today, we cuddled up in a blanket. I'm not sure if it was because it was Mother's Day, or just because they were cold, but the boys actually sat there and let me snuggle.

Before I had children, I NEVER cried at movies. Justin used to call me heartless while he would be fighting back the tears. Notice I said before children because now I'm an absolute mess. All it takes now is a commercial, and it's a weekly event when we're watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to send me looking for Kleenex. I can't help but think of "What if that were my child," with anything I approach in my life. I bawled today in church, cried Friday night at a movie and that's just in the past two days. I know that I've never laughed, cried, or smiled as much in my life as I have in the past 4 1/2 years. What can I say?  I love these boys so much. They are my strength. They are my heart. They are my everything.

What I know about motherhood

1. Everything is a phase. As soon as I start worrying about one thing it's over and a new phase has started.
2. I will never have a clean house but that that mess means that I spent time with my boys and I'm proud of that.
3. God made them so adorably cute so that when I want to pull my hair out that they say the cutest thing or make the cutest face that I can't possibly stay mad at them.
4. In the most stressful situation with my children the best thing to do is to laugh. Otherwise I might cry.
5. It's ok for you to say sorry to your kids. It shows that we all make mistakes.
6. Things that I don't think my kids notice that I do are the things that they remember the most. It's comforting and scary to know at the same time to know what a model I am.
7. I now know why my own mother was so insanely protective over me.
8. You have to let go sometimes to let them learn. The consequence isn't always good but that is where the learning occurs.
9. I once heard great advice about disciplining your child. You need to make your kids think you're a little bit crazy.
10. I never knew what my heart was capable of. How much it could love. How when I had a second child, my love wasn't divided-it only multiplied.

And most importantly, motherhood really gave me an appreciation for my mom and all the people that raised me and my mother-in-law. I see how truly self-sacrificing it is but how I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Santa's watching mommy too

Justin comes home the other day and says, "You're so busted!" Apparently, Nolan told Daddy on the way to school one morning, "That F150 was going too slow and made mommy go crazy! When cars go too slow, she says C'MON!" Guess I should be on my best behavior for Santa and Nolan...boy they sure are sponges, aren't they?